What is the use of trying to be creative? Especially if I am not!
How will being creative help me with my life if I am not Monet or a professional artist? Believe it or not,being creative helps our brain develop connections that help us generate ideas and think outside of the box. So when asked to dream about your future can you do it or do you freeze? If you are given a blank piece of paper and asked to draw what you dream of, what happens? Do you ‘just draw’ with ideas flowing naturally or do you sit there with a pen thinking, I can’t draw? I do not know what I want?
As a child I learnt to cross stitch, do tapestry and make clothes. I could do them accurately and well. All lovely things but I learnt certain skills and then just followed a pattern completely. There was no imagination involved. My life was like that I played by the rules I followed instructions in all areas of life.
When I was at school I chose A levels including geography which I loved. I did a degree in Geography, I loved all the processes to do with weather and creating physical landscapes; rivers, glaciers, erosion. I also studied Geology for a year, I thrived in all areas except fossils and chemistry, but faults folds mountain forming I couldn’t get enough of.
When I graduated I needed to earn a living. I couldn’t see a way of using my love of physical geography and I ended up training in tax accountancy in Leeds. I was at least accessible enough to enjoy the Yorkshire Dales. But a bit of me died buried under the numbers and studying; it really wasn’t me but I didn’t know how to get out into something else, so I stayed for 5 years. I did pass the tax accountancy exams, no mean feat, but I was not alive. I had lost a part of myself.
Through combined work situations after we got married we moved to London. The love of the outdoors meant that after a couple of years we moved out of London to the North side, Hertfordshire so we could travel north to our friends and the hills.
We had children and I made sure that we did fun things like foot and hand painting outside where we could make a mess; they were small enough that I could carry them upstairs to the bath to clean up. But at that point I still couldn’t draw or make a mess myself as I had not been unlocked.
I began my healing journey, looking at freedom from childhood patterns which I had inherited by osmosis. I attended Christian retreats. Some of them encouraged me to draw or paint and gave us suggestions. I began to explore creativity with paint. One day I wanted to paint and someone suggested I go to the creative space. I said ‘no I want to throw paint at the walls’. Completely unphased. They suggested I went out into some woods and threw paint at trees. It was liberating, to be given permission to make a mess and throw paint around. At another level it unlocked something deep inside me which I had no words for.
I messed around with paint on retreat but not at home. Gradually I journalled with words, which is great for our wellbeing, and over time I started to draw in my journal. It was a bit intermittent but sometimes when I drew it would begin to flow and it spoke to me and I enjoyed it.
A number of years later I ended up working at a creative charity, I was mentoring individuals. But I learnt to crochet; more following instructions; and I had a go at embroidery. Then I did some wet felting and embroidered over it, no pattern to follow it was just go with what makes sense or what you like.
In Spring this year I decided to be brave, I booked onto an introductory paint workshop led by a tutor. I did ok. I was creating with paint and bits of dried flowers. Then I just happened to add some ink to my picture. I needed to get the paint and ink to dry so I could take the picture home. So I took it over to a hairdryer and blew some air on it. It was a complete revelation. The hot air blew the blue ink all over my picture and it came alive! I was surprised and delighted with the result.
Recently I went on a healing through creativity weekend, an opportunity to be creative. We were encouraged to lean into our discomfort. I did foot painting for me, I needle felted and just let the colours come with no design. I also had a go with wood, where I lacked skills but created a piece, and finally I did some wet felting which was great fun, and the image I needle felted onto my piece of heather moor, spoke to me, but again I had no plan for the needle felting I just let it flow.
So I have been on a journey with my painting and creativity. As I have gone on that journey I have unwittingly been training my brain to open up to new possibilities and generate ideas. I looked at the work I used to do and decided it was no longer for me.
I did not know what it was that I wanted to do. I just knew it wasn’t cerebral numbers in accountancy but I didn’t know what I was looking for. A crossroads retreat helped me discover I had an energy for helping people who were at turning points in their journey ready to change. I looked for people who were open to creativity, open to pursuing freedom and integrity between my inner and outer worlds so that I cared about what I was doing. People who would dream with me and support me on my journey.
So over time I started to make choices about what I was doing, first volunteering around our children and then around work based on where I felt energy to help people move forward. I worked one to one with SEN students and networked with staff and when the space for creative connections and initiative closed I moved on and I found a job working on a project moving people forwards to education training and employment. In that context I decided to do coach training to develop my skills in creating a space where people could gain insights into their own journey and have lightbulb moments which would help them make decisions based on their hearts.
For years we had always had a dream to move back north and finally we did it, So now I live in Nidderdale with a view across the Dale from our house, close to local shops and within a friendly community of people who have a mutual love for being outside, hiking gardening etc
It feels like I am back home up north.
When someone says where would you like to be in 5 years time, what would you really like to do? And if your mind is blank what will you do now to flex your capacity to imagine and create?
How will you solve your problem?
Allow yourself to recognise when life has become soulless dissatisfying
Begin the journey of searching for something different, give yourself permission to start looking at other options, asking questions, researching: start journaling, write about your desires and frustrations. Encourage the words flow; discipline yourself to write for 20 minutes.
Have a go at being creative, at home, or at workshops with teachers who will have confidence in you when you don’t. Build your creative muscles, go to workshops or retreats and practice at home.
Think about where you would like to be in 5 years time, what would you really like to do? Try and write or draw the answer
Find some people who believe in who you are trying to become and will encourage you on your journey
If you are struggling, keep being creative but also look at options and ideas and just write down the words that appeal to you, don’t analyse it just respond to the words that appeal and write them down
What will you do differently today to change the trajectory of your path?
Get out some paint, book into a workshop or sign up to my blog?
Choose one and act now!
